Same team: running a home together without the fights
Same Team is a free 19-page ebook for parents of young kids in Malaysia. It shows how to share the load of running a home by owning tasks, hold a weekly 20-minute check-in, raise a complaint gently and make up after a fight, with a printable who-owns-what worksheet and agenda. Download the PDF directly, no email.
- The invisible list: get the mental load out of one head
- A who-owns-what worksheet with real Malaysian household tasks
- A printable weekly check-in agenda
- Gentle start-up lines and repair lines for after a fight
Free, no email needed. A5 PDF, 406 KB. Bahasa Melayu
What is inside the ebook?
Seven short chapters, one idea each, and four worksheets.
- The invisible listThe mental load: noticing, remembering and planning. A worksheet to empty your head.
- Own it, don't "help"The four parts of owning a task, and a who-owns-what sheet for 29 household tasks.
- A weekly 20-minute check-inWhen, where and a few simple rules, with a five-step agenda.
- Complain gentlyThe "I feel, about, I need" formula and harsh versus gentle examples.
- Pause first, then make upA 20-minute break when emotions flood, a signal word, and repair lines.
- Small thanks every daySpecific appreciation, with a seven-day tracker.
- The bigger teamIn-laws, balik kampung, domestic helpers, babysitters and grandparents.
What do the pages look like?
A5, easy to read on a phone. One idea per page, short sentences, and one small action at the end of every chapter.
The worksheets are made to print and fill in together. Reprint the check-in agenda page every week.
Who is this ebook for, and who is it not for?
For ordinary friction at home, not for a relationship that is unsafe.
A good fit if
- You both work and the kids are still small
- The fights are about small things that keep coming back
- One of you feels they carry everything in their head
- In-laws, grandparents, a helper or a babysitter also pitch in
This ebook does not replace
- Marriage counselling with a qualified counsellor
- A doctor's care for depression, including after giving birth
- Urgent help when there is violence or threats
If there is violence or fear at home
Your safety and your children's safety come first. Call Talian Kasih 15999 (toll free, 24 hours) or WhatsApp 019 261 5999, or 999 in immediate danger. Source: KPWKM Talian Kasih page, checked 28 October 2026.
The ideas are inspired by The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver (2015 edition), rewritten in our own words for Malaysian families. Research findings mentioned are the authors' arguments.
How does UrusFamily help after this?
Paper worksheets are enough to start. UrusFamily keeps the same lists on both the husband's and the wife's phone, so nobody has to carry it all in their head.
- Family tasks: grown-up tasks too, with owners and weekly repeats
- Calendar: school, kenduri, public holidays and balik kampung
- To buy: one shopping list on every phone
- Notice board: check-in decisions and family reminders
- Family spending: who paid for what, and who shares it
Also read chores without nagging and chores by age for the kids.
Free on iPhone and Android.
Questions about the Same Team ebook
Is this ebook really free?
Yes. Tap the download button and the PDF saves straight to your phone or computer. No email, form or sign-up. You can print the worksheets and share the PDF with your spouse.
What is the mental load in a marriage?
The mental load is the invisible work of noticing, remembering and planning, like vaccine dates, tadika fees and wedding gifts. Whoever carries it is often tired even when they seem to do less. The first step is writing the list down so it can be shared.
How do husband and wife split housework fairly?
Split by ownership, not by helping. The owner of a task notices it, plans it, does it and follows it through to the end. Start with the daily repeating tasks, then review the split every week. The who-owns-what worksheet in the ebook gets you started.
What do you talk about in a weekly 20-minute check-in?
Five things: what went well and a thank you, key dates next week, who owns what this week, one issue raised gently, and one thing you can do so your partner feels supported. A printable agenda is on page 10.
Is this ebook for a home with violence or abuse?
No. This ebook is for ordinary friction at home. If there is violence, threats, control or fear, safety comes first. Call Talian Kasih 15999 or WhatsApp 019 261 5999, 24 hours a day, or 999 in immediate danger.
Do I need the UrusFamily app?
No. Every worksheet works with paper and a pen. UrusFamily helps if you want the same task list, calendar, shopping list and family spending on both phones.