Talk So They Hear You: 30 phrases to replace nagging
Talk So They Hear You is a free ebook (A5 PDF, 21 pages) for parents of children aged 2 to 8. It gives 30 phrases to replace nagging, across five skills: feelings first, describe, give choices, solve together and praise that describes. Each chapter has a Malaysian home scene and one worksheet.
- 30 ready to use phrases in plain, everyday English
- Before and after scenes: school mornings, mealtimes, sibling fights, the shop, bedtime
- Five worksheets to fill in with a pencil
- One page of all 30 phrases for the fridge
Free, no email needed. A5 PDF, 21 pages, 429 KB.
What is inside the ebook?
Five chapters, one skill each. Read one chapter a week.
Feelings first
Name your child's feeling before correcting, and grant wishes in fantasy when the answer is no.
So frustrating when the tower falls.
Describe, don't nag
Say what you see, give information, or use just one word.
Shoes!
Give choices
Two options you are happy with, and "yes, after..." instead of "no".
Yes, after we eat we'll go to the park.
Solve it together
A 10 minute session for problems that keep coming back, without hunting for a culprit.
Two people, one tablet. That's tricky.
Praise that describes
Describe what your child did, and answer a relative's "shy" label with respect.
That's what being independent looks like.
Points, rewards and further reading
An honest page on when points help and when they do not, a card of all 30 phrases, and where the ideas come from.
What do the pages look like?
Each chapter opens with one short idea and six phrases. This is page 3, the start of Chapter 1.
- One idea, two paragraphsWhy the old way does not work, in plain words.
- Six numbered phrasesEach with a short note on when to use it.
- A before and after sceneA Malaysian home dialogue on the next page.
- A worksheetTo fill in that week, not just to read.
What can I say instead of nagging?
Five examples from the ebook, one from each chapter.
| Situation | The usual nag | Try saying |
|---|---|---|
| A tantrum at the shop | "People are looking. Get up!" | "You really like that blue car." |
| Lost shoes, school morning | "How many times do I have to say it?" | "Shoes!" |
| Will not eat vegetables | "No tablet until you finish." | "Yes, after dinner, one episode." |
| Fighting over the tablet | "Who started it? No tablet for a week!" | "Two people, one tablet. Any ideas?" |
| Toys tidied away | "Clever boy!" | "Lego in the box, books lined up." |
The limit stays the same in every example. What changes is how it sounds. For chores in particular, read chores without nagging.
Who is this ebook for?
Written for Malaysian homes with young children, including families who live with grandparents.
Good for
- Parents of children aged 2 to 8, from preschool to Year 2
- Grandparents and carers who look after children every day
- Families worn down by tense school mornings and mealtimes
Not for
- Medical or psychological advice. If you are worried about your child's development, see a doctor or counsellor
- Religious rulings on raising children. Ask an ustaz or ustazah you trust
- Teenagers. The examples here are for young children
The ideas in this ebook are inspired by How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Every phrase and scene is written in our own words, and this ebook is not connected to the authors or the publisher.
Questions about this ebook
Is this ebook really free?
Yes. Press the download button and the PDF saves straight away. No email, form or sign up. You may print and share it for personal use.
What ages are the phrases for?
Children aged 2 to 8, from preschool to early primary school. The scenes include a morning session school day, mealtimes, sibling fights, the shop and bedtime.
Does this mean I cannot set limits?
No. Every phrase keeps the same limit. The ebook changes how the limit is said: feelings are accepted, but actions like hitting are still not allowed.
Can I read it on my phone?
Yes. The PDF is A5 with large text and short sections, so it reads well on a phone. The worksheets are easier to fill in if you print them.
Is there a Bahasa Melayu edition?
Yes. Cakap Sampai Anak Dengar is the Bahasa Melayu edition with the same content, also free as a PDF.
Do I need the UrusFamily app?
No. The ebook is useful without the app. If you want it, UrusFamily helps with chores and points, house rules, family meetings and thank yous that describe.
Want to keep these phrases going every day?
UrusFamily keeps what your family agreed in one place, so you repeat yourself less.
- Chores written as information, ticked off by your child
- House rules everyone taps Got it on
- Kudos: a thank you with a reason that describes, no points
UrusFamily is free during the launch period, then RM 9.90 a month or RM 79 a year for the whole family. Children need no account.
Free on iPhone and Android.
